


Pure love without voice

by bluelettergirl



Category: Simon & Garfunkel
Genre: 1960s, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Romance, Sad, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 10:34:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15022745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluelettergirl/pseuds/bluelettergirl
Summary: Rainy november night, creepy hotel and two musicians with hiden feelings. Wanting, range, sadnes and in the end bright thoughts. Never happend, i don't make money with this etc. Warning: blood, sad, addiction.





	Pure love without voice

November somewhere end of the 1960s. In the hotel. 

It was just one simple cut, what turned soon two. Grey Knife moved Art's hand like factory's machine, non stopping and out of the controls. His mind was blurred of so many thoughts. "What if this and what if that". He wanted..., no he needed love from person who couldn't never love him that way. Blood drops felled to cold hotel's bathroom floor like november's cold waterdrops to the lonely lighting street, and painted new and dark color to it.  
" Art! Gig is soon, come out of the toilet you lazy ass!"  
Paul yelled outside, with sarcastic tune in his voice. Art could imagine how he bite his long nails, because he was nervous. He could also imagine how he stumped out the cigarette to the hotel's trashcan as always. It smelled to bathroom, vanilla with bit of mint.  
" Just a minute!"  
Art yelled back, putting knife to white sink. He didn't have time to wash it, but he knew he would be the first one who go shower after the gig. At least he hoped so.  
" Your hair is good enough!"  
Paul said back, and Art could imagine long frustrated sigh. He quickly washed his bloody wrist, hide it with jacket, looked to mirror, and went to open the door.  
" Let's go then."  
Art said simply with almost robotic way to Paul. He fondled some dust away of his jacket, and tried give even half smile to his dear friend.  
" Are you sure okey? You look pale."  
Paul asked and gived questionable look to Art.  
" Yeah.. I'm fine just little bit hungy."  
Art said, having little bit hesitate in his voice. He fray his fluffy blond hair with shaking hands, and gived smile. He tried his best to hide his sad feelings, and gived once again nervous smile. Paul shakee his hands, and checked he had his cigarettes.  
" You're never hungry Art, we'll talk bout it after the gig, no buts."  
Paul said, and opened their hotel-room door what was filled with awful poster.  
" I'm fine Paul really, just feeling sick."  
Art tried say, but alredy knew Paul wouldn't lose that easy. They were now walking long hotel's corridor with quickly steps. It was little bit scary, old paintings about peoples who just watched with their judgement eyes, and rose printed wallpaper all over the grey walls. " this is like a prison." Art thought. Corridor maked both of them feel, they were insade of the horror hotel. Art had black jeans, and blue sweater, Paul more artist look white suit's jacket, white shirt and black jeans.  
" Yeah, if chickens can fly you're, but obviously they can't so you aren't."  
Paul said with worried tune in his voice. When Art tried say something, Paul gived " no more talking sign." Art just speard his hands out, and sigh. Air smelled roses, and fishsoup while they walked out of the creepy hotel, to the yellow taxi what somehow remainds them about Joni Mitchell's new song. November rain hit them hard, and it was cold, almost freezing. 

After concert, back in the hotel.

Concert was been spectacular huge, they were sung biggest hits from the Sound Of Silence till For Emily Whenever I May Find Her. They were enjoying loud applauses from thousands fans, and laughing a lot. They also got many roses from pretty womans. When Paul closed their hotel's room, light up "ladies" cigarette, put red, yellow and white roses to Chinese vase, and was sigh happily, Art hoped he was forget their talking before gig. He was too tired to fighting or even talking. He also could feel burning scars what needed at least cold water. After long silence, and couple of cigarettes Paul braked the ice.  
" Are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do i have punch you and you tell?"  
Paul asked with his style, and went sit next of Art, sharing cigarette with him.  
" It's Nothing."  
Art said, and let Paul light up his cigarette without another word. It tasted too mint for him, but he didn't want say anything. Smoke filled the small hotel room what had two beds, tables and bathroom.  
" Don't lie to me, i know you too well."  
Paul said, and Art could feel worried eyes on his face.  
" It is about a girl?"  
Paul asked suddenly, and Art took long breath.  
" It's not that simple."  
Art said and gived sharply look to his dear friend.  
" I'm not guessing what you have insade your mind, but i still need to know. "  
Paul said, and smoking his cigarette taking same time suit's jacket away with other hand.  
" I know.. If you can Wait a minute i tell."  
Art said and bite his red lip. Art stumbed out the cigarette to trashcan. Paul was moved it close to their separate little beds.  
" Were i even could go?"  
Paul said, and Art rolled his eyes. He stardet took his oceanblue sweater away with nervous moves, and soon he could feel cold air everywhere on his skin. Art's body was like skeleton's, so skinny so fracile.  
" I.. Hurt myself."  
Art said, and he could feel tears on his eyes. He rarely cried, but he feeled like huge waterfall was going insade his body, and he couldn't handle it. Paul didn't say anything, just went bathroom silently. Art could hear water and bottle openings. He also could hear swearing when Paul found bloody knife, but he didn't come to asking anything about it. After few minutes he saw, how Paul went back with black-towel, and water.  
" You don't judge me?"  
Art asked, but Paul didn't answer. He kneeled slowlydown front of Art, and took his dear friend's arm to his own, and stardet clean it with quckly movings.  
" Ouch! Please Be careful Paul."  
Art said and feeled smarts.  
" So this hurts, but not that you want get blood poisoning, yeah right.."  
Paul said, and Art feeled how his cheeks went red as a stop sign.  
" I'm sorry Paul."  
Art said and feeled how hot tear felled down on his cheek.  
" About that i almost lost my best friend, or that you really went to gig, without even telling all that?"  
Paul said. Art could notice sadness on his voice. He feeled hurted, but he knew Paul couldn't show it easily. He always covered it with angry, love was too hard to show. "Love hurts", he thoughts on his mind.  
"Both."  
Art said simply, and grin when Paul hit fracile spot. Scars burned like the hellfire.  
" Why you do that to yourself? You're living a dreamy life."  
Paul said, and put black-towel finally away to the floor, It was dirty.  
" As i said it's not that simple, and dreamy life? No freetime, creepy hotels, rough tourins.." Art said with frustrated voice, and crossed his long arms. Then Stumbling out the another cigarette to the trashcan.  
" Try."  
Paul said, and Art gived weird look to Paul.  
" I... Love... You."  
Art finally said and hide his face to his hands.  
" I love you too silly. You are my best friend."  
Paul said back, and Art could feel Paul's confused face.  
" I.. Mean.. That..other.. way."  
Art said, and feeled like ocean wawes was hitting him down. Like he was drowning and huge wawes was eating him. Art was losing his voice, and panic was taking over him without warning.  
" I can't understand what you say, if you talk to your fucking hands."  
Paul said, and put his hand to Art's shoulder. It feeled warm, soft and good. Art turned his face to Paul, and he knew he looked terrible, lots of tears on his eyes, red face.  
" I..fucking..love.. you.. Other.. way."  
Art said, and just couldn't contol anything anymore. He felled againts Paul's warm shoulder, and Paul let him.  
" Shh, it's okey nothing to worry."  
Paul said, and start fondle Art's fluffy hair softly.  
" Do... You.. Love.. Me?"  
Art asked, and turned his face to Paul. Emotionally moment, pure and fracile. Love without voice. Just november rain hitting slowly little window.  
" Let's talk morning, just sleep now."  
Paul said, and moved carefully Art away of his lap, and then to bed. He maybe was little, but that didn't mean he wasn't strong.  
" Promes?"  
Art asked before feeling how his eyes went closed.  
" i Promes."  
Paul said, and watched how his friend felled asleep. How his quicky breathing went more slowly. Paul carefully took gauze away of his jean's pocket, and tie wound with slowly moves. It hurted to see Art this way, but it hurted more to know it was in the end his fault. Paul took long sigh, kissed Art's warm forehead, and went then sleep to own bed with so many thoughts on his mind, he wasn't sure could he even fell asleep. He could hear Art's breathing, and he wished he could sleep better than him.

On the morning, before sunrise.

Art wokeup quietly, and moved his head to look Paul who was still sleeping, quietly. Art moved his long legs out of the bed, and moved hand to his head, "headache, of cource" he though, and went silently to bathroom, needing time alone. Art needed pain, last night was been full of too many things, and thoughts. Pain was insane insade on his mind. After washing his face with cold and fresh water, He took sharp knife away of the sink, what had still some blood stains. Then he silently sat againts toilet. It feeled cold againts he. First cut hurted always, then it changed easier. He could still hear on his mind Paul's words " You shouldn't." Few minutes later, he put knife away. It leaved mark to floor, but Art couldn't care less about it. When he stepped back to room, he saw Paul who was smoking the cigarette. He alredy could see Paul's face he knew. It was stupid to hide.  
" If you really love me, you wouldn't do it to yourself."  
Paul said, and took a sip of his coffee.  
" It's not your business."  
Art said quietly, and sit to his soft bed.  
" I knew you just did it."  
Paul said coldly without empathy on his voice.  
" I needed it, you don't understand."  
Art said, and took cigarette, what was on the brown table.  
" Do you have any idea, how ridiculous you sound?"  
Paul said, and shaked his head.  
" It's addition, Arty you know it. Someday cuts aren't enough."  
Paul said, and watched Art's eyes what were so bright, like he knew something what Paul didn't. Something bigger. Bright eyes.  
" i'm.. Not fu..cking ready to watch.. My friend.. des..troy his life."  
Paul said with broken voice, but same time it was full of angry.  
" I know, i just can't stop, Paul."  
Art said, and tried put hand to Paul's shoulder, but he didn't let him.  
" Then i want you see, i want you realize how much it hurts."  
Paul said, and before Art could ask what he meaned, Paul was took small razor out of the pocket. It was small, but very sharply, probably more sharp than the knife.  
" Do some cuts to me, please."  
Paul said, and gived his pale wrist to him.  
" You can't ask me that Paul, are you insane?"  
Art said, and he never was feel so confused.  
" If you love me, you do it."  
Paul said coldly without hesitation, without fear in his voice. He hold his hand in the air, and it was so pale.  
" First cut hurt then, i just say."  
Art said quietly, and moved sharply razor close to his friend wrist. He gived one more time "i don't want do this face" to Paul, but Paul didn't answer to it at all. The feel was so unreal, and full of unspoken pain. Art did careful first cut, Paul didn't say anything, but he could see pain on the Paul's face. Moment was over soon as it was stardet. Not much blood, but more pain. Art stand up quietly, and moved silently close of the barhroom room, and rest his hand againts it. He didn't know what to feel. After moment of break, silent tears he nod to himself, he understood. He knew now.  
" I understand now."  
Art said, but feel his throat didn't get voice out.  
" Good."  
Paul said, and moved next to Art, he was cleaned his wrists, with the same dirty towel what he was used to Art's cuts. Paul moved next of Art, face to face smelling breathing.asking silent permission.   
" Can you kiss me?"  
Art finally asked with whispering voice, and gived questionable look. Paul smiled, and gived kiss to Art's soft lips. He could taste mint cigarette's, and bit of coffee.  
" I do love you, but if you ever do harm yourself i leave you."  
Paul said seriosly, and kissed once again, now more with passionate.  
"I'll not."  
Art said after the kiss, and moved his hand to Paul's warm cheek.  
Paul answered with shyly smile, and moved his own head to left.  
" You are my only one."  
Art said for last words, and kissed with smile on his face. Love they say, love what an extraordinary funny, hurting thing it is.  
" Same words, Arty, same words."

 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, have a nice day <3


End file.
